no life

i have no ideas i dunno why and i dunno anything. if my life could be refresh again and again.... i would want to refresh like internet explorer until i could really enjoy and be happy about it. how i wish i could be an ordinary person like others who do not need to worry so much. i strive so hard for this semester as compared to last sem and i got a not bad result which maintain the same gpa i got for sem 1. 3.2 so what, i asked? i didnt really expect to do so well for this sem ... and what if i did really did well at my academic portion ... i am just totally messed up ... sometime i really need somebody to talk ... when i'm in whatever state. no matter happy or sad story ... i always wish that i could share with someone that are close to me ... am i really didnt know what do if when i m so lost. maybe it is really destined for my life to be like that. i have never ever underestimate anyone around me expect those who keep bullying me and so on. i appreaciate friends that i have currently. i do feel happy when they know that i am around and give me the strong identity that i am their friend. people do found out that i am extra ... i have bad communication ... to really try to walk out 17 years and 5 months of my life is difficult. it is really really terrible when u r trying to build up ur self-confidence and simultaneously, others do trying to pour not just cold water but ice on me. i dun really wanted to think so much ... but in fact this feeling come to me naturally. puting urself into a situaition where when u really come to very bad circumstances urgently such that when u really really need somebody help and when u look into ur phone contact and this is only this five people whom u know them closes and well which can be call for it in ur contact list and after u finished calling the 5 people and all of them turn out to have the similar answer. "sorry, i am busy, will call u back later" ... sorry this sorry that ... so practically ... when u switch the situaition around and put urself into the shoes of mine ... how would u feel. so after that incident would u still consider them as closes people to u ... and when they approach u to help them when they need help ... would u help them again? this is always something which need to be process throughout the period of time. what you know about it? what you dunno about it? what you need to find out about it? which give us the final decision on what to do. as i say le ... if i am as blessed and be so lucky as you(gege), dont need to do any or much work and could move on so easily and passed in the end ... i would be jumping around like hell ... hehe ...it's not easily to always have so much such good people around u ... therefore you cant conclude and action to be show off that, anyone can just be like the way u r. i do reflect back on myself most of the time and day. did i do anything wrong? they way i m so easily to be cheated by people since when i was young. i dun wanted to... i am alway the slowest one and the most stupid one. i am so scared and afraid there out world. i dun like to seek out any attention from others and just dun want to be an attention seeker. i would feel good to express so much here. so i think it is enough for what i m going to say. recognise and treasure something/someone when it is there for u because other people who want to recognise and treasure the same thing as you might not get to have it.